Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: PG/PG-13 for now.
Word Count: 3318
A.N: Part one located here.
Summary: In which a chase ensues, the plot thickens (AKA Things Get FUBAR and plunge into melodrama [though is it really melodrama if everyone knows it's melodrama?]), there are unflattering remarks made about Siberia in the springtime, and Lieutenant Riley transcends the need for floor-wax recognition software.
Re: MASSIVE SYSTEM UPGRADE
HQ just sent an upgrade packet for the computer’s processing system. IT IS A VILE THING. I am asking you to not subject the Enterprise to this perversion. IT IS UNWORTHY OF HER.
With permission, I can write patches for our current system. It should not take more than a week or two, at most.
I am begging you from the bottom of my heart.
P.S. I will include three bottles of my finest at no charge.
Re: Captain’s Meeting
Wow. Four minutes into the meeting with Spock and there’s not a sound from the ready room. That’s got to be some kind of a record.
Who wins the pool at five?
Have just received protocols from Starfleet regarding an inspection of the ship to be conducted starting tomorrow by Admiral Kelso.
As the inspection is not on the schedule, I have not had time to brief Security or make preparations for the arrival of the admiral.
Please respond at your convenience.
Lt. Commander R. A. Marquez
Head of Security
Re: Stomach Virus
Could you run samples 4, 9, and 11 for me for the D3H14 virus? All the other samples have tested positive, but I’m running into some anomalies with these.
Chrissie if they’re fucking, Chekov if Kirk distracted Spock with a game of chess, Finnegan and McGinnis if Spock’s finally choked Kirk (McCoy splits it if Kirk is only unconscious).
To: MAILING LIST: MARTHA LANDON’S BUDDIES
Oh my god. Spock just chased Kirk out of the ready room. He was growling. Kirk was scared – he didn’t even look at Stella’s ass when he ran by.
Does this mean Kirk’s the vandal?
OMG. Or maybe he cheated on Spock.
Re: If there’s not a good reason for this I swe
I went to sleep 17 minutes ago. If sick bay’s not on fire or the intercom doesn’t shut up in four seconds, I’m putting you in charge of bed pan sterilization for a month.
Re: Repairs on Deck C
Could you come down and help me with the auxiliary power couplings? I’ll send Hendorff to replace you – silly blighter couldn’t tell a wrench from a warp coil.
Personal Log: KEVINRILEY; entry 01, 2259.35
0836: Approximately eight percent of concussions are caused by slipping on recently-waxed floors.
Today’s note of the day: Write a subroutine in the system to identify and flag recently-waxed decks for my morning jog. As they say, a milligram of precaution now will save a ton of pain later.
This has been a log entry by Kevin Riley.
Re: Situation in Sick Bay
There’s something strange about this virus. Am waiting on blood work to confirm, but I believe this may be a biological attack.
P.S. I do not appreciate threats. Please refrain from them in the future.
Re: Re: Oh God, I’m an idiot
I am afraid I will have to delay our chat until lunch time. Mr. Scotty requires my help with the power couplings. Please don’t ‘spazz.’ I’m sure we can figure things out. Janice is probably just being silly. Many humans are when it concerns sex.
Instant Message Logs 2259.35 USSENTERPRISE
0842.02 jkirk: Bones.
0842.09 lmccoy: No
0842.16 jkirk: Listen. I have a
0842.21 lmccoy: absolutely not.
0842.23 jkirk: plan. You don’t even have to do anything, just
0842.26 lmccoy: *Absolutely
0842.30 lmccoy: I said no. This is your
0842.33 lmccoy: fault, you can deal with the consequences.
0842.38 jkirk: you haven’t even heard my plan! Bones, he’ll
0842.43 jkirk: kill me! You didn’t see the way he
0842.47 lmccoy: I still haven’t finished cleaning up the
0842.49 jkirk: looked at me like I was a tribble and he was a
0842.53 lmccoy: mess y’all left after that
0842.57 lmccoy: pon farr snafu – and don’t think
0843.02 jkirk: Look, I’ll make it up to you any
0843.04 lmccoy: i don’t know who put the bowl of plomeek soup in my desk drawer.
0843.06 lmccoy: *I
0843.12 jkirk: way you like. All you have to do is sit in your office and tell spock you have no idea where I am.
0843.15 jkirk: oh shit I think he’s fou[0u23ri[rh
Re: Idiots running around and acting like chi
Captain Kirk and Commander Spock are attempting to kill each other in my sick bay. Get them out before they damage my equipment or I will personally supervise your physicals next week.
Re: I screwed up and I don’t know wh
I screwed something up last night and I don’t know how I can fix it. Christine’s probably told you all about it by now, but if she hasn’t – are you free during lunch? I just need a good ear.
God, I’m such an idiot.
Dear Capten Jim
Harry and Tilda and me are in the star lab with ensine Marple. He is nice but boring.
Thank you for the waffles last night they were good. Can we have spaghetti today.
I just saw you and mr. Spock run by I think you were playing tag. I like tag.
Milo Dos Santos.
Personal Log: KEVINRILEY; entry 02, 2259.35
0848: Nausea from yesterday has returned. Am also feeling dizzy and slightly feverish.
Could this be caused by toxic chemicals in floor wax? Must investigate.
Re: Re: Re: Oh God, I’m an idiot
That’s fine. I’m caught up with this virus right now. I’ll meet you at your quarters at 1400 for a late lunch, if that’s all right.
Re: Re: Stomach Virus
Weird. I ran the blood samples through the coder and got some strange results. Are you sure these were all from stomach virus patients?
Sample 4’s got Rigellian flu (the nasty kind, iykwim), 9’s got an electrolyte imbalance, and 11’s as healthy as a horse or I’m a physicist. Treat him for motion sickness and tell him to get some rest.
Re: MAJOR NEWS
You didn’t hear this from me, but it looks like you were right about Kirk and Spock. Spock and Kirk just got hauled off to the brig for fighting and Martha says it looks like the captain cheated on him.
P.S. I wonder what Lt. Uhura has to say. Maybe she knew what was going on? She and Spock seemed really committed. I once read that some Vulcan’s used to practice multiple marriages. In a textbook. I don’t think Kirk’s stupid enough to cheat with Spock if they’re still dating. Lt. Uhura would rip his guts out.
Re: Duty Officer
Lieutenant Commander Scott:
As both Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Commander Spock are currently indisposed, you are now the highest-ranking officer in charge of the Enterprise. Please report to the bridge for temporary reassignment.
Re: Who is acting like a teenager no
If you do not want to talk about it that is fine but it is no reason to be rude. I have apologised and asked what was wrong and that comment about my homeland was uncalled for. I will have you know that Siberia is a very pleasant place in springtime.
I am sorry for offending you but do not wish to talk to you further if all you will do is sulk.
To: ENGINEERING, firstname.lastname@example.org
Re: Re: Bridge Duty
As the Captain and Mr. Spock are indisposed for now, I’ll be on the bridge until further notice. I’m leaving Lt. Gaila in charge of the division for now.
Re: Blood samples
On review, electrolyte balance in sample 9 seems to be caused by recent inoculation against Melvaran mud fleas. Subject also seems to have antibodies for stomach virus present in his system.
Get Green to test blood samples from virus patients with MMF inoculation strain. I want the results stat.
P.S. Please do not tell me how to do my job.
Medical Log; HWYATT; Entry 03, 2249.35
0917: Am releasing Ensigns Chekov and Terry for work and ending their medical leave. Ensign Ricardo has been released from sick bay but remains on leave, with instructions to rest and pick up a prescription of Bactrim from the pharmacy.
Re: IMPORTANT READ THIS NOW O
DON’T KNOW HOW LONG UNTIL THE GUARD REALIZES I STOLE HIS PADD. GET ME OUT OF HERE. SPOCK’S SAYING HE’LL HAVE ME DECLARED TEMPORARILY UNFIT FOR COMMAND SINCE NO SANE PERSON WOULD DRAW THAT “UNWORTHY ATTEMPT AT HUMILIATION” AND THE GUARDS ARE ACTUALLY LISTENING TO HIM.
ALSO, I NEED TO GET A – HEY, AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP? NM. JUST GET ME OUT. I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING GOING ON – I’M NOTICING A PATTERN ABOUT WHO’S GETTING INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS, BUT I’M NOT SURE. HOW’S EVERYONE DOING?
GET BACK TO ME ASAP.
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY TAKE THE MILWAYAN CHILDREN TO MY QUARTERS AND GUARD IT FROM THE OUTSIDE. I’VE ALREADY GRANTED YOU ACCESS. ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH GENERAL ORDER 32H. DO NOT TELL ANYONE. ORDERS CAN ONLY BE RESCINDED BY MYSELF, DR. MCCOY, OR SPOCK.
Re: Re: MAJOR NEWS
Sorry for the late reply; I finally caved and went to the sick bay. Feeling pretty miserable – could you grab me some ginger ale on your next break? Chapel won’t let me have anything.
Anyway – maybe that’s why Kirk did it? You know that rumor of Spock and Uhura in the rec room – I heard Kirk found the surveillance vids and has screencaps plastered all over his room. Really kinky stuff. He was probably jealous of Spock and Uhura’s relationship – you know his reputation; it wouldn’t be logical to have a long-term relationship with him. I mean, I love the guy, but he’s not exactly notorious for his fidelity, if you know what I mean.
Well – got to go. Chapel’s coming over, and I think she’s about to confiscate my PADD.
P.S. Ensign Jailbait just stormed out – I think he’s pissed at his fencing buddy again. Kirk’s kiddies should have smacked him with a clue-by-four instead of a rubber band, huh?
P.P.S. Oh my god – do you think they hooked up too? I know I’d hit that.
Immediately stop administering medications to all stomach virus patients. I repeat, DO NOT GIVE PATIENTS INFECTED WITH THE STOMACH VIRUS ANY MEDICATION until directed to do so by myself or Dr. McCoy.
If patients experience seizures, immediately contact Dr. M’Benga or myself.
Sorry, folks, we have an urgent situation requiring both the captain and the first officer’s attention. Just make sure they don’t kill each other once they’re out.
-Lieutenant Commander McCoy
Re: System Upgrades
Just received the following message from the Endeavor:
U.S.S. Enterprise: As per Starfleet Article 283, subsection F, you are hereby ordered to update your system processor to version 5.2, included in this databurst. Failure to do so will result in serious repercussions for your ship and impair your ability to communicate with Starfleet.
-They’re awaiting your answer.
Re: Re: System Upgrades
Lt. Gaila’s stuck in a j tube right now. Just tell Riley to update us or whatever and send an affirmative to the Endeavor. It’s probably just that new antiviral software.
Instant Message Logs 2259.35 USSENTERPRISE
1003.56 jkirk: Bones
1004.02 lmccoy Jim thank God. It’s going to
1004.04 jkirk: What’s going on, is everything
1004.13 lmccoy: hell in a handbasket down here fast.
1004.17 lmccoy: Get on a comm..
1004.34 jkirk: Can’t my shirt comm got torn up
1004.40 jkirk: Sent Rand for a new one
1004.43 jkirk: and sulu fried my chair controls
1004.47 jkirk: with puke.
1004.52 lmccoy: Well the virus is worse.
1004.59 lmccoy: Riley had a seizure am worried about brain damage
1005.04 jkirk: he was the first to contract it?
1005.08 lmccoy: he came in today.
1005.13 lmccoy: virus seemed advanced in him though. Why?
1005.19 jkirk: just a hunch.
1005.24 jkirk: d’you run physicals on the orphans?
1005.31 lmccoy yeah.
1005.39 lmccoy I’ll run bloodwork for the virus now
1005.46 jkirk keep me posted.
Re: Re: Re: System Upgrades
This is an automated forwarding message. Lieutenant Riley is currently on medical leave and is unable to complete his duties. Please complete them to your best abilities.
All messages marked Work will henceforth be forwarded to your address until Lieutenant Riley resumes his duties.
Attached: System Upgrades.doc
Re: Re: MASSIVE SYSTEM UPGRADE
Do whatever you think necessary. I’ll meet with you later – 1800? – to discuss.
Re: Re: Inspection?
Shit, this is the first I’ve heard of it. Kelso’s had it in for me since that thing with his daughter on Rigel IV.
Get things set for tomorrow as fast as possible Tell me if you need me to stall. I’ll meet with you at 1830 to discuss.
Re: Gaila said I should mail y
Lt. Gaila’s stuck in a j tube right now, but as soon as I told her, she told me to tell you that Lt. Sulu’s pretty sick. The virus is getting worse. She says you should go to him and hopes you don’t mind if she calls you Pavel (I told her it’s okay. She says you remind her of the daughter of the woman who rescued her from Orion. I think she means that in a good way.).
P.S. I hope Lt. Sulu gets better too.
Looks like I won’t be able to make lunch. I’m grabbing some coffee now; hope you don’t mind if I pop by your quarters to drop off the cake pan you lent me.
Re: Re: Personal
This is an automated forwarding message. Ensign Chekov is currently on medical leave. A copy of your message will be saved in his inbox.
All messages marked Personal will henceforth be forwarded back to sender until Ensign Chekov resumes his duties.
I don’t think I can make lunch today. I’ve got the novel you loaned me the other day – think I’ll stop by your quarters in a couple minutes to drop it off if you don’t mind.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: System Upgrades
This is an automated forwarding message. Ensign Fairlie is currently on medical leave and is unable to complete her duties. Please complete them to your best abilities.
All messages marked Work will henceforth be forwarded to your address until Ensign Fairlie resumes her duties.
Attached: System Upgrades.doc
Get down here now.
Engineering Logs; WHARTRIGHT; Entry 01 2249.35
1028: Downloaded software update 2.5 and set to automatic install. It seems to have updated satisfactorily.
Note: I would like to lodge a formal complaint with regards to the chain of computer technicians in an emergency. As I am currently assigned to warp core maintenance and have no training in software engineering, there are serious issues with liability. This poses a threat to the Enterprise should I be unable to complete the installation successfully.
Re: REGARDING QUARANTINE
As you have all surely noticed, we are currently under a level 4 lockdown. Do not panic. We’re just having a few problems with a stomach virus. It’s nothing to worry about – we’ve all ready found ways to treat it, and the situation will be resolved shortly.
All crew who have not received an inoculation against Melvaran mud fleas in the last six months, please report to sick bay immediately for a booster shot.
Captain James T. Kirk
Re: Re: Re: MASSIVE SYSTEM’S UPGRADE
Whatever you do, DO NOT upload the software update. It works fine in theory, but the slightest tinkering with preexisting software can cause it to go haywire.
I’ll get down there as soon as I complete Mr. Chekov’s course equations. It seems the poor lad’s come down with the virus too.
Riley’s in a coma. If we don’t find a cure for the virus, Bones says half the crew will be dead by tomorrow. We believe one or more of the orphans from Milwar may have been infected with the virus as a dispersal method. I need you to collect them from my quarters and work on an antivirus.
P.S. I really am sorry.
I finished uploading the update and found a program that’s finished but hasn’t been uploaded to the mainframe. It’s a security patch Riley wrote earlier today – notes say something about flagging security risks in the halls. Should I upload it?
Due to a fortuitous change of plans, I will be arriving for my scheduled inspection of your ship at 2130 tonight.
I look forward to our meeting. I am sure it will prove most illuminating.
The doors are all sealed shut. What’s going on?
Re: Re: SPOCK
It appears the Level 5 containment protocols have engaged. I do not know why. I shall attempt to disengage them as soon as I have begun my tests for the antivirus. Until then, however, it would appear that we are all trapped in whatever rooms we were when the protocols engaged.
-Lt. Commander Spock
P.S. Your apology is noted.
I have just decrypted some intercepts from Orion traders. They have hired an assassin to kill you two days from now; it seems this person is all ready on board the Enterprise.
I’ll mail you as soon as I find out more.
I thought you’d like to know: it’s Lt. Sulu and Ensign Chekov – Sulu just slipped into a coma, and Chekov’s had two seizures in the last hour.
Re: Re: Re: SPOCK
I am in your quarters. Please contact me on a secure comm immediately. I have discovered something exceedingly disturbing concerning the children.
I do not believe the girl is human.
Instant Message Logs 2259.35 USSENTERPRISE
1102.18 lmccoy: Jim. I ned you in ward E.
1102.25 jkirk: Sure, give me a minute. I’m helping
1102.31 lmccoy: it’s Riley.
1102.36 jkirk: what’s wrong, is he all
1102.41 lmccoy: i’m sorry.
1102.48 lmccoy: He’s dead, JIm.